Why the fuck can’t I figure out what I want to do with my life?
Before you argue with me that I have 4 young kids (excuse) or that I’ve been relatively successful (maybe so), what I’m describing here is more of a mid-life (god I hope not) crisis type feeling of knowing from the very depth of my being that I am made for more. I have more value to give. I’m smarter than what I’m currently applying. I’m interested in so many things, and things that NEED smart, valuable people to care enough to take action to improve them.
I will never undervalue my role as a wife and a mom, so don’t try and debate me on that B.S. I GET IT. That just isn’t my point right now. I also get that I have a successful home-based-business (who actually succeeds at those?!?!), and I am SO freaking grateful for it; I’ll also never STOP building that business. It feeds my soul, makes me a good living, and is flexible, and if we’re being honest, optional–I don’t answer to anyone. This, also, is not my point.
I also know some of you out there think, “Why can’t successful people ever just be happy?” or “Why isn’t what they have good enough?” STFU. Seriously. I AM happy. Ask anyone who knows me–happy gal right here. LEGIT happy. That’s not the issue. As for “enough”, well, that’s a stickier question, but if you’re talking about the Jones’s, fuck them, IDGAF. My ONLY purpose in wanting more MONEY is to help more people, starting with my immediate family, then close family, then all the causes I’m already charitable to can be donated MORE money and more time. So, yeah. I’m driven, so what? It takes all kinds to make the world go round; if it ain’t you, fine, but don’t judge me for being born with a fire in my belly to get shit done, and done well.
So what DO I mean, then? I mean I can’t for the life of me pin down what I want to spend my hours DOING. Coaching truly only takes so many hours a day. Parenting is busy, but it’s not all-encompassing, and there are still more hours in a day. I prefer not to have those hours filled with the Kardashians (ok, maybe sometimes), but rather, with something that challenges my brain, helps other people, earns me an income based on my worth, and doesn’t include having a boss. If I could also work with my husband, that’d be great; we’re a great team.
I used to work as a CNA, and every nurse I worked with told me I missed my calling. And I get it! In another life, I’d love to be a nurse…just not in this life. I don’t want the hours or the schedule. I love watching HGTV, and real estate has been on my mind for the last 10 years or so, but then I think about a realtors schedule, and I know for a fact it’s not in line with my priorities. Well shit. I fully intend to return to the Professional Fitness Industry (Master Training, Presenting and Instructing) when the kids are all in school, but that’s a good 4 years off, and again, it’s not something that takes too much time. So. Hmm.
Basically I’m left with needing to start another business. But what? And this question has been an itch I just can’t seem to scratch for the last 2 years!!! It’s driving me crazy! I feel like a 35 year old woman should know what the hell she is doing, but I’m at a loss. I’m just standing in faith that the universe has my back (thanks Gabby) and that as I forge new relationships and experiences, it will all become clear. I know I never thought as a kid, a teenager, a college student, or even as a college grad, that I’d make my first million as a Health & Fitness Coach. NOPE. That thought never crossed my mind.
So universe, it’s now in black and white. If you’ve got any ideas for me, I’m open to receiving them. Guide me. Show me a cardinal. Help me add value to this world in a big way. Let’s do this.